I wish i was in the wii world.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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