i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
