So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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