so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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