Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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