I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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