girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
