the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I see more hoeing in ur future
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