Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
