Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
