If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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