i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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