Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
