What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
