Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
