I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
