I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
