the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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