alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
