Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
