Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize