What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
