feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
