Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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