Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
