is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize