today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
