once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
