Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
