i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So much rum. So many feels.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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