Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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