They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
