Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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