"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
