he puts the penis in happiness.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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