I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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