and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
