shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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