I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
