I cannot find my penis.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
