I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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