Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
