someone threw a dead crab at me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i will never coherently bang her
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
