Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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