she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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