i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
