I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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