butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
