just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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