i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Everyone says I win the strip club
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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