You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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