dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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