yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
