I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I love having hate sex.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
