i would punch a child for taco bell
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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