so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
