woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
