Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
