I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
