I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
