Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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