she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
