I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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