I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
