he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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