Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
