I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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