Where did you get a picture of my penis
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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