And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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