so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
