Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
