Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize