i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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