explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
