wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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