Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
