Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize