Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
