I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
